This Time of Year

I just love this time of year - don't you? School is winding down, Spring is here, the sweet rains of March and April that remind me of mercy falling on me, and most of all Easter. I love, love, love Easter. As a child I loved it for the Easter bunny and the really warm, fuzzy church services. As a teen I loved it because my daddy would always buy me a new dress. Mind you, sweet Aubrey will still take me out to buy a new Easter dress if I ask. :) As an adult I really GOT the meaning of Easter. I love to go back to the Old Testament and read about the Passover lamb God sent for the Israelites - rescuing them out of bondage and captivity. Isn't that what Jesus is? He is our Passover lamb - the one that rescued us, through His blood from death and dying! Hallelujah. Knowing that my God LIVES while other gods are buried or contained in metal or wood casings brings fresh hope to my reason for living. Today, Easter is a bit sweeter. It's the last day of March and as I look back over the last three months I realize that there was a symbolic death going on in my life. Death of fear, death of cancer, and death of pride. Today, I'm alive. I'm alive because of Him. I'm alive because 2000 years ago HE decided to allow people to beat him and crucify Him for me. I don't know if I'm weird, but I love Good Friday services. I cry like a baby and I'm emotionally shredded after these services, but something in me needs to remember how beautifully awful His death was. To me, it makes Sunday morning much sweeter. Easter symbolizes the fruition of God's plan of salvation. Go back to Exodus and remind yourself of the horrible bondage that God's people were in and how He heard their cries and sent a deliverer. How he punished those who hurt His people, how He rescued His people from death through the blood of a lamb, how He parted the Red Sea and gave them bread from heaven. Then ... fast forward to the gospels of the New Testament and see how the blood of THE Lamb rescues us from death, how He parted the curtain of the temple to GET TO US, and how His Holy Spirit gives us the bread of God's Word to comfort and console us. It's all there - Old Testament to New Testament. So, go and enjoy the Passion week - Maundy Thursday (the day of Jesus' last Passover meal), Good Friday (the day of His crucifixion), and Sunday - glorious Easter Sunday - celebrate. Dance, sing, praise, reflect, enjoy Him. Let the newness of the spring season resonate in your heart that He can make all things new. He still heals, delivers,and saves.
Love you much,
Ann
xoxoxox

Go back?

The Lord has inspired me through various outlets this morning ... 1."Faith will rise as we wait upon the Lord," a verse from a popular Christian song by Chris Tomlin. 2. Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest" devotional for today - March 19th. 3. The story of the Exodus of God's people from Egypt and lastly, the parables of the Ten Virgins and the bags of gold - Matthew 25:1-30.

I won't bore you with the sordid details of my first thoughts this morning, just know they were quite pitiful. I was rehashing all that has happened to my mind and body since January 5th and feeling quite sorrowful about it. Since I was a camp counselor for three summers the first song to get me out of my funk was, "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!" With resolve I grabbed my coffee, weighed myself, (15 lbs gone)and sat down with Oswald and Jesus. The first cries of my heart were, "I want to go back to the way it was before all this ... when is it going to be over!!!" Mr. Chambers reminded me, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading." Ahhhh ... now that is some serious Holy Spirit breath to my weak bones. Then I began to think of the Israelites and how wandering in the wilderness, without acknowledging who HAD them and was keeping them, had to be miserable. And then WHAMMO! The Lord pulled out two of my favorite parables - the ten virgins and the bags of gold. Both of these parables (read them NOW if you've forgotten the stories), are teaching us about being ready, trusting our Master, and using what He's given us instead of shirking from the responsibility. Ding, ding, ding! I realized that I will never go back to the way it was and God doesn't want me to desire that. He wants me to move forward in His calling and this journey will have been in vain if I try to bury it and return to the way things were. I can't let that happen. We all go through trials and hardships and we should USE those experiences to draw ourselves and others closer to our Source of Power. Why is the natural inclination of humans to hide their weaknesses? I say flaunt it baby! Let the world know what Jesus has done for you. Take those bags of gold and double, triple or better yet, quadruple them so that the Kingdom of God will be known by all. WHAMMO .... God just reminded me that our hardships may seem like the pits to us, but they are BAGS OF GOLD to Him. Our blood, sweat and tears on this earth are gold to God and He will let us spend it if we will just open our hearts and mouths! Wow. Ain't God good. I woke up at 7:30 feeling like poo, it's 8:27 right now. In just one hour God has taken my rags and turned them into Bags of Gold. SHAZAM! That is something to smile about wouldn't you say? Will He do it for you? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

Love you,
Ann
xoxoxoxo

Ahhhhh

Hello ... I'm back! Today is my precious Garrison's 8th birthday and the memories of the day he was born have been flooding my soul all day. All I can say is THANK YOU GOD for loaning him to me for his life on earth. I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am. Mind you, the enemy of my soul, has been trying to remind me of all that's gone wrong and the verse, "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ," has been my mantra. TAKE captive EVERY thought! Last week, when I was going through a really tough time emotionally I finally got so sick of it that I cried from my innermost being, "HELP ME GOD!!!!" Guess what? He did. Within a second, no exaggeration, I was healed of the emotional despondency I'd felt for 48 hours. I believe in healings because I've known people to be healed, including my husband, but I didn't believe it had never happened to me. So, through this entire roller coaster ride I've been on for 3 weeks I get to proclaim a healing that I recognized. Then I realized how many times God HAS healed me when I did NOT recognize it. The day I gave my heart to Him, and He healed my brokenness. The two times I gave birth and was up walking within one hour. Now that's some healin' ain't it sistas!!! :) The day I married my soulmate my broken, lonely heart was healed. There are countless other miracles that God has performed in my life, and I've allowed them to go unrecognized. As I sit in my living room, with my Japanese cherry blossom tree in FULL bloom and listen to my little boy and his buddies play and see my sweet kitties snuggled up in the windowsills of my home I can't help but say 'ahhhh' because my life is sweet. Today Lord Jesus I choose to recognize You in it all. I see you Lord - thank You for opening the eyes of my heart. All the doubt, worry and anxiety about what tomorrow may hold will be taken captive and I will MAKE it obedient to You. I get to choose that so I have decided to follow Your Word today and not my own. I love You Lord. Thank You.

Thank you my friends for your prayers, your love and your support. I go back to work on Tuesday and I'm praying that I'll still find time to write in my blog. I don't feel like this journey is over and I know God is still teaching me. I covet your prayers this week - I need supernatural strength to do this and I hope that all of you know I will do the same for you whenever you need it. Please always be encouraged that YOU are His favorite. I have a dear friend that kids me all the time that I think I'm Jesus' favorite and guess what --- I think I am, but I think you are too. :) Don't ever let that devil get too far in your head - squash him like a bug by taking those thoughts of defeat and anxiety and MAKING them obedient to Christ. You can do it!
Love you,
Ann
xoxoxo

Do I dare?

Oh my ... for those of you that are my faithful blog readers hang on, because this blogpost may have a different flavor to it. I've hit an emotional speed bump. I went to school (my job) yesterday and realized that my AP students were waaaay behind, because of me, on their essay writing skills. I could go on and on and tell you why they are lacking and you could try to convince me otherwise, but facts are facts. I came home feeling like a failure and quite overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because I've had cancer, major surgery, I'm still weak physically, I want to be a stay home mom again, I've got to go back to work, there are about 5 weeks left to get 113 high school students ready for testing, and just plain defeated. I tried so hard to call on the Lord and think RIGHT - I tried to think about how beautiful my children are, how healthy I am, how wonderful my husband is and all the other advice I would give to someone in my state of mind. However, the valley remained. I cried, went to bed early, felt sorry for myself, cried some more and got up this morning and cried again. I'm actually crying now as I write this - forgive me for the vulnerability, I told you this one would be different. I guess THIS is part of recovery too. I guess the way I feel is part of life for all of us sometimes. What in the world do we do with feeling like a failure and feeling like our circumstances are going to crush us? Let me tell you what I did and am doing. I grabbed a great devotional book called, "Just Enough LIGHT for the Step I'm On," read my Bible, prayed, slept, told my husband about how I felt, prayed some more and slowly I'm coming out of it. I'm realizing, through all these outlets, that it's not about me. It's not about messing up or even suceeding - it's about who is holding my hand when I do these things. It's about Who is the One guiding me through and into these situations. I have to turn to Him, cry really hard and say, "Help me Daddy." I know that He will. I have proof, because He's done it before - over and over. So, when it comes to teaching DBQ's and CCOT's in AP World History I will do my best and the rest is in His hands. In order to have peace in this world we must turn our fears over to Him. I will pray for you to do this today. I will pray for your peace. I will ask the Lord of heaven to guide you in your steps today and I would appreciate the same. Much love.
Ann
xoxoxo

Annoy God?

Hahaha - I just cracked myself up and thought I'd share. As I was typing in my blog address I accidentally typed www.ennoygod777 which made me think of www.annoygod777 This made me giggle - out loud. Then ... of course, it made me think. If we are honest that's what we sometimes believe we do to God, annoy Him. "Ask and you shall receive." "Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ." "I will never leave you or forsake you." "By His stripes we are healed." "If God is for me who can be against me." "I have loved you with an everlasting love." "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." Did I create any of these verses? No, I am simply quoting the book of Love, unconditional love, that God left for us to read and encourage one another with daily. Sweetie pie, God is not annoyed by you. When you pray about your car, your goofy husband, your ding bat teenager, your bad temper, your health, your marriage, that old lady in your church that really IS grumpy, your hair, or your big toe, He is not annoyed. He loves you and really ENJOYS hearing from you and ENJOYS being a part of your life. Nothing you bring to Him is too ugly, too trivial or too annoying for Him to ignore. I promise. I could go on and on about all the ugly, trivial, annoying things I've taken to God over the course of my life. I know He is simply waiting for you to share your life with Him. You are a joy to Him. How do I know? I know because you are a joy to me. The emails, the letters, the cards, the "like" button on facebook all bring me tremendous joy because I know we are doing life together. I am a mere human, He is your Creator, you are His beloved. If I love you this much then I know His capacity of love for you is multiplied by nine jazillion. :) Let Him renew your mind. Tell the devil to SHUT UP when he says you annoy God. If you can't believe me then go onto www.biblegateway.com and look up the word love and you'll see.

Lots of love!
Ann
xoxoxoxo

Weight Gain

Time to process ... thanks again for listening and giving me great feedback.

One of the hardest parts of this surgery/recovery process has been the weight gain. I literally gained 15 pounds, overnight , due to the vast amounts of fluid given to me and the removal of my lymph nodes in that area. The fluid doesn't know where to go, so right now it seems to have settled in my rear end, my thighs and my abdomen. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Now, don't go all practical on me and say, "Well Ann at least you are cancer free and don't have to have chemo." Yes, I know that and I agree, but come on ... who wants to gain FIFTEEN pounds in one day??!!! So, of course it got me to thinkin' about what we, especially as gals, devote our time and energy into on a daily basis. We spend so much of our life trying to find the right diet, the best exercise regiment and we give a lot of our well earned money to keeping our body fit and looking good. I also know that when we don't see that magic number on the tag of our jeans, or on the scale we freak out. I can actually be downright snippy to all those in my direct line of fire once I see the wrong number. Get my drift? Ya'll need to be prayin' for my husband and children until this fluid figures out where it's supposed to go! :) Now --- you're all wondering ... will her weight come off or is she stuck with it? I've been reassured by my doctor that I will simply "pee it out" and I shouldn't worry. Back to the point I was trying to make -- Here's my question for us ALL - do we worry about being spiritually fit as much as we worry about being physically fit? How many times do you get together with friends and chit chat about the new things God has spoken to your heart,or the new Bible Study you are devoting an hour to each morning? If you have, then kudos to you, I just know God kicked me in my fluid filled patootie when I began to think about how concerned I was with my weight gain. I'm envisioning long hours at the Y, a weight watchers notebook and lots of rabbit food. Instead, I should be envisioning long hours relishing in the presence of God, reading Bible stories with my kids, and engaging my husband in conversation about how we can do more for Christ. Do I think it's wrong to be fit and healthy? NO!!! Do I believe it has become an idol for many people, including Christians? YES!! Our body IS the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should take care of it, but worshipping the temple is not part of the deal. I guess what we need to ask is 'what is my motive' behind weight loss and fitness? Is it to get healthy or is there some vanity involved or are we using it to hide from God? Just asking? I know I need to be praising GOD I'm cancer free, realize my darling husband thinks I'm hotter than the fourth of July and quit focusing on the things of this world that don't matter. How does that happen? I'm not going all religious on you, but spending time with Jesus, just sweet time alone with Him really does seeem to cure all my ailments - even my obsession over my weight. Do I really think God is going to ask me how much I weighed when I get to the pearly gates? Probably not. I do know He will ask me who I served, loved and what I did with His love and His kingdom message. So, I think today I will pray that He will give me the courage to smile at the gal in the mirror (big patootie and all) and use this body to share His message of peace, love and joy.
Peace out!
Ann
xoxoxoxo

The Hands and Feet of Jesus

Hey there,

Thanks again for tuning in to Recovery Blog by Ann Franco! :)

There's an old Audio Adrenaline song that keeps playing in my head, "I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet, I'll go where you send me." The body of Christ - what mental picture do we get when we think of His body? I think of the church - all of it. The Methodists, the Baptists, the Pentecostals, the Presbyterians, the Anglicans, the Lutherans, the Catholics and the others who call Jesus their Savior and Jehovah Jireh their God. Some people get all caught up in denomination mumbo jumbo believing their group has a corner on God. I'm fully aware of my many faults, but thankfully this is an area God has disciplined me in and I don't see denominational colors like I used to. I truly see Jesus in His followers and even more so now. I told a friend today that I've had Jesus walk into my home every day since Feb. 28th. Jesus has brought me a basket full of videos, lemon chicken, lasagna, chicken noodle soup, chicken pot pie, cakes, doughnuts, cupcakes, salad, Capri Suns, books, magazines, Chinese food, BBQ, pork chops, mashed potatoes, roast, bible verses, cards, conversation, prayers, money, visits, phone calls, prayers, emails, laughter, gift cards, smiles, and all of this wrapped in a layer of love. This post is my thank you note to all of you. Thank you for showing me Christ when pain made it hard to see. Thank you for taking me to Jesus when the pain meds made it hard to focus. Thank you for reminding me of His sweet face through your laughter. Thank you for showing me the outline of His hand through the food and nourishment you brought to my family. Thank you for loving me and my family JUST the way Jesus would. You are HIS body - you have moved and kept Him alive on this earth. Ahhh ... can you feel Him walking and roaming about looking for someone to bless? I not only feel Him - I see Him. Thank you for the life lesson and thank you for allowing me to see my Lord. It's not every day someone can claim to have SEEN Jesus - today, this is my claim.

Much love!
Ann

A Short Cut

While resting in the Lord this morning I was reminded of an amazing encounter with the Lord that happened about a month ago. If memory serves me correctly, it was the week before I found out the results of the biopsy. One evening I had a dream that I got "bad news" and in the dream there was a poster at the doctor's office with a scripture reference on it. When I woke up, I rememberd the dream and the scriptue refernce. Naturally, I couldn't wait to look up the verse KNOWING it was some fabulous, inspirational Word from God that would comfort me and make me feel better. The verse is John 4:4 and it states, "And He had to pass through Samaria." That's it. What??? My first thought was ... this is ridiculous and what in the world is that supposed to mean. To be honest, I had a bit of a bad attitude about it and thank the Lord I read the commentary in my Bible. Here's what the commentary says about this verse. By the way my Bible is the English Standard Version. "Jesus had to pass this way because of geography(it was the shortest route), but the words may also indicate that Jesus' itinerary was subject to the sovereign and providential plan of God ("had to" translates Greek dei, 'to be necessary,' which always indicates divine necessity or requirement." Oh my goodness. My bad attitude turned into repentace very quickly. The God of the Universe was speaking directly to me. He was telling me that this path I was taking would be a short cut and was necessary and my itinerary was part of His providential plan. Wow. I knew that whatever happened to me God was in control and His plan was for me to walk through 'Samaria.' I began to read all of John 4 to be reminded of the woman of Samaria and Jesus' state of mind. Jesus was weary from his travels and God the Father brought him a ministry opportunity.
I cannot explain to you the joy that washed over my soul when the Holy Spirit revealed these truths to me. God was telling me "Ann, this will be a short cut. I'm with you. I will even bring people TO you so that you can minister to them EVEN when you're weary." WOW. WOW. WOW.

Thanks again folks for letting me share. I pray that God will shine on you today and encourage you. Look for Him - He really is waiting to speak to you. Listen for Him on the radio, through others, and even when you sleep He will speak.
Much love,
Ann
xoxox

The Bride

More processing on this beautiful, snowy March morning. Ahhhh ... I love snow. My sweet Franco loves snow too. Sweet Franco. I am his bride. I am his love. Next to Christ, I am his everything. Today will be the day that I glorify Christ's work, and how I see it so clearly, through my husband's actions. Where in the world do I begin to describe this man that I married? You've seen glimpses of him in my other posts - times where he cried with me, for me and over me. That's not the complete picture though. My Franco is a man after the heart of God. The heart of Jesus is to serve and here are just a few ways my man has served over the last two months:
1. Held me when I cried uncontrollably
2. Listened to my childhood stories - even when he's heard them a million times over
3. Rubbed my back
4. Rubbed my feet
5. Made me laugh by wearing a stupid Krispy Kreme hat
6. Made me snacks at night
7. Watched "What Not to Wear" with me - this was tough for him :)
8. Changed my catheter
9. Cleaned my catheter
10. Cried for me when they said the catheter had to put back in
11. Prayed for my peace, my health, my bowel movements, etc - you name it he's prayed it!
12. Celebrated with me when I finally did poop! TMI - Yes I know, but this is MY processing time.
13. Took care of the boys while I talked on the phone or visited with friends
14. Screened calls for me when I just didn't have the strength to talk
15. Carried me to bed
16. Dressed me
17. Dried me off after a shower b/c I couldn't bend down to do it
18. Brought me flowers on Valentine's Day
19. Made reservations for a romantic getaway (in six weeks).
20. Slept at the hospital, ate hospital food and took my first post surgery steps with me
21. He stayed strong while I buried my head in his neck and wept as they wheeled me away to surgery

There's more, but these are the examples first and foremost in my mind.

For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. The two shall become one. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." I'm pretty sure Franco's prayers will never be hindered.

In a world where marriage is, many times, not revered I would like to say - chivalry is still alive. Marriage is precious, it is worth fighting for, it is still the most precious institution out there. Franco and I are, by NO means, perfect. We are in great need of Jesus, who teaches us to be loving towards one another. We have issues and problems just like everyone else. However, on this day I want the world to know that Steve Franco is my soulmate, my perfect match, my best friend and my hero. Thank you my love for honoring God and serving me. xoxo

More tomorrow!
Ann

To Him be the Glory

I have a bit of writer's block this morning - I did yesterday as well. I'm not sure what to write about because I don't want to seem redundant, fake or over Christianize things. Isn't that how we do things in life? We tend to over common sense everything. Oswald Chambers calls it deifying common sense. In other words common sense becomes our God. This truth resonated in me. That's how I know God is speaking ... when I read or hear something and my insides feel similar to a cymbal that's been played. The reverb starts in my gut and moves to the outer limits of my soul. It's very cool, I might add. Okay ... back to the god of common sense. Isn't that how we make so many of our decisions? Yes, I know that God gave us a brain and we should use it, but remember that is NOT a scripture in the Bible. I catch myself deciding what I will do for the day, how I will treat my kids, what I will do at work, how I will serve at church and what books I will read many times based on common sense. I have this nagging thing (I think God is getting ready to hit the cymbal) that keeps saying, "Ann, there is more than common sense to this Christian life." I do believe that Jesus is supernatural. So do you if you believe He was born to a virgin and rose from the dead. My friend, those two events most definitely defy common sense. I'm sure that Jesus' entire ministry defied His natural inclination to common sense. "My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts." I'm pretty sure that's God's way of saying --- "your common sense is not the way I'm going to do things sugar pie." I think my life might be PROOF that common sense is not the path to take. Cancer? Really? A very painful surgery where my husband has to bathe me, dress me, carry me, etc.?? REALLY? No matter what the Bible says and all the good that comes from this event in my life my common sense has been screaming it's fool head off since Jan. 12! Now, my Spirit woman ... what has she been saying? She's been saying - "God is in control. He will never leave you or forsake you. God has plans for you. He will prosper you. He will heal you." To conclude the ramblings - I'm simply saying that if we want Jesus - I mean REALLY want Him and we want His calling to reign in our lives we have to let Him back on the throne of our lives. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." Proverbs 3:5-8 I am a smart woman, I have two degrees and a lot of life experience. This world gives me many reasons to believe in my abilities. God has given me many of these abilities and He has given you many abilities, talents and gifts. We are to use these talents and double them. I get that. What I have decided, and I will need daily reminders of this from the Holy Spirit, is that my common sense is not God any longer. I've decided to expose common sense for what it is - a false idol in my life. Common sense is not bad, but I proclaim this day "IT IS NOT GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!" The enemy of our souls would love nothing more than for you to rationalize and common sense your way through life all the while missing the mighty, supernatural POWER of God Almighty. Let me close with a quick chart that might help you decide which way you want to go:
Common Sense
1. Confusion
2. Possible Safety
3. Boring
4. Limited
5. Boundaries
6. The old way
7. You act like a grown up

Supernatural Power of Yahweh
1. Wisdom
2. Adventurous
3. Exciting
4. No Boundaries
5. Out of control
6. New and fresh
7. You never have to grow up - you get to be like a kid trusting in His daddy!

Did I say it would be easy picking God's way? No. Especially if you happen to be a Type A control freak (like me). What I am saying is that we all, deep down, want the adventure. How do I know? Take a look at beer and wine sales in the U.S. Take a look at how many people bungee jump, ride roller coasters, date/marry wild women or men, read novels full of adventure, or buy fast cars. If you're reading this blog I know you love me and what do I represent? Someone who is honest, real, cuts through the junk and is full of passion. You know you want it too - you know you HAVE it too. You know I'm not the only one who can do these things and say these things. Go right now and look in the mirror and SAY "Dear Jesus ... take me, I'm yours - do what you will - I'm ready for the adventure of a lifetime! Move over common sense - Jesus is on the throne!!"

Does He Change?

Thanks again friends for allowing me to process the events of the last two months through this blog.

Setting: Jan. 19th - Franco and I had found out I had cancerous cells in my body. We knew surgery was in my near future. We did NOT know how invasive or contained the cells were at this point. We were on very shaky ground and were trying to hold it together.

Feelings: Sort of like being in a washing machine. The world was swirling - we were trying to act normal. We went to Longhorn for lunch, stopped by Lifeway, tried to enjoy the beautiful day off together, and then it hit us. The uncertainty - the sadness - the wondering - the realization life was taking a sudden, unexpected turn.

I think it must've hit us both at the same time, I suppose that is what happens after 10 years of marriage. We were in the van, heading to pick up the boys from school. Franco had bought Francesca Battistelli's CD at Lifeway. He put the CD on the song "Beautiful, Beautiful," and then we began to cry. My first wave of tears were despairing and full of pain resembling the feeling of an animal caught in a trap. After the song began to wash over me I realized something ... GOD had not changed. He was the same God he was two weeks, two years, twenty years, two thouand years before this day. Upon this realization, (which HAD to be Holy Spirit induced)my hands shot straight up in the air and I started yelling. I declared that day that MY GOD was still for me, not against me. The proclamation continued while I stated that "MY GOD had not changed and I would NOT doubt Him!!!!" I'm sure it was quite a scene to a passerby ... Franco driving with tears streaming down his face, music blaring, me - with my hands straight up in the air, screaming and crying. I wonder what God thought? I can only imagine that He was happy because His daughter FINALLY realized that her Father was not going to hurt her. That after all the years of serving Him she finally GOT Jeremiah 29:11 instead of just quoting it without the conviction of it being real.

I am here today to proclaim to you that God has not changed. The God that gave His SON to die for you is still relevant, alive and waiting to be found by you. If He is chasing you then please stop and let Him catch you. He is good, He is kind, He is loving, He is NOT what this world tries to make Him out to be. Believe me - I KNOW.

More to come .....
xoxoxox
Ann
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbCfyZHSQbE&ob=av2e

I have a lot to say!

GREETINGS to you after quite a long hiatus! It's been almost a year since I've blogged. Nothing like a life changing event to get you back in the "writing about Jesus" saddle. So many of you have followed my journey on facebook, through emails, through phone conversations, texts, etc., but what really has taken place in my heart has only been shared with a few close friends. I was praying this morning and told the Lord that I didn't want the events of January and February 2012 to be in vain. My family and I have been through such a huge trial and to think that it may not be used to it's full capacity makes this heart of mine skip a beat. I'm not exactly sure how God will use me or this event. I do know that He is good and He will use me, and you, as much as we allow Him. So ... here's part of my story - for those of you inclined to read this I thank you. This is my heart pouring out what God has put into it. Only Jesus Himself could've put these words and this song into my heart on this glorious 1st day of March, 2012.

January 2012
I love the month of January because it's my birthday month. I love that it's the beginning of a new year and it represents a fresh start. I always wonder what the year will hold in store for me, my family and my life. From 1995 to 2000 I wondered if it would be THE year I would find a mate. In the years 2002 to 2006 I wondered if it would be the year I would have a baby. In the years 2007 to 2010 I wondered if it would be the year I would finally lose weight. In January of 2012 I did NOT anticipate cancer would change my life and that the God Almighty would use it to create a fresh start in my heart. It is very good that we do not know, ahead of time, what the Lord will ask of us. I could give you all the sordid details of procedures, dates, agonizing nights, crying spells, faith spells and super scary moments that are involved when the "C" word becomes a reality, but I would like to share what happened in my heart when this dreaded word entered my world. I crumbled. I came to a screeching halt END of me. All that embodied Ann Malone Lester Franco stopped. My identity, my security, my reality shifted. I cried out to God, but shockingly I didn't cry "WHY!???!!" I instead cried "HELP!!!" Somehow, all the years of loving Him caught up with me. Somehow, His Spirit held me and lifted me - just like the Bible said it would. Somehow, I fell on my knees and surrendered my life. I don't know how it happened. All I know is that I will never be the same. I look out at the mountains,the trees, and all of nature and I see things differently now. My absolute worst fear came to fruition and GOD really did what He said He would do - He lifted me up and out of it.
The night before my surgery Franco and I had the "I might not make it" talk. We cried and the words that came from within even shocked me. I told him that if I died in surgery that he should cry ... for he and the boys - never for me and I actually meant it. You see, a paradigm shift inside my BEING had occurred. On January 1, 2012 the thought of leaving this earth and all the gifts that had been given to me, from the Father of Lights was an unbearable concept that I avoided. Trusting God with my children and my life was something I avoided meditating on because I just couldn't deal with the option that might be behind DOOR NUMBER TWO. I ranted and raved and claimed and prayed the blood and stood on the promise that I WOULD HAVE THE LIFE I WANTED! But was this ranting and raving out of trust ... no, it was out of fear. On February 26, 2012, this little heart of mine began to trust. My white knuckled, spiritual hands let loose. I knew that if I died my boys would be okay. I knew that my parents would continue on their Kingdom journey. I knew that my precious soul mate, Franco, would be crushed, but not destroyed. I realized that I wanted to stay here on earth to serve them, to enjoy them, to watch them flourish instead of constantly being afraid of losing them. I grasped and believed the concept that they BELONG TO GOD - not to me.
I invite all of you to pray for this reckless abandonment of the control you think you have. Abandon the fear, the religious mantra, and the control that you never really had. Instead, rest, enjoy, relish, play, laugh, imagine, and hold onto His hand through it all. It's up to you really ... choose this day whom you will serve -your control, your life, your agenda or the Lord. The taste of freedom is sweet - I should know.
More to come in the following days - my heart is full, my body is weak and my God is precious.
xoxox
Ann