Do I dare?

Oh my ... for those of you that are my faithful blog readers hang on, because this blogpost may have a different flavor to it. I've hit an emotional speed bump. I went to school (my job) yesterday and realized that my AP students were waaaay behind, because of me, on their essay writing skills. I could go on and on and tell you why they are lacking and you could try to convince me otherwise, but facts are facts. I came home feeling like a failure and quite overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because I've had cancer, major surgery, I'm still weak physically, I want to be a stay home mom again, I've got to go back to work, there are about 5 weeks left to get 113 high school students ready for testing, and just plain defeated. I tried so hard to call on the Lord and think RIGHT - I tried to think about how beautiful my children are, how healthy I am, how wonderful my husband is and all the other advice I would give to someone in my state of mind. However, the valley remained. I cried, went to bed early, felt sorry for myself, cried some more and got up this morning and cried again. I'm actually crying now as I write this - forgive me for the vulnerability, I told you this one would be different. I guess THIS is part of recovery too. I guess the way I feel is part of life for all of us sometimes. What in the world do we do with feeling like a failure and feeling like our circumstances are going to crush us? Let me tell you what I did and am doing. I grabbed a great devotional book called, "Just Enough LIGHT for the Step I'm On," read my Bible, prayed, slept, told my husband about how I felt, prayed some more and slowly I'm coming out of it. I'm realizing, through all these outlets, that it's not about me. It's not about messing up or even suceeding - it's about who is holding my hand when I do these things. It's about Who is the One guiding me through and into these situations. I have to turn to Him, cry really hard and say, "Help me Daddy." I know that He will. I have proof, because He's done it before - over and over. So, when it comes to teaching DBQ's and CCOT's in AP World History I will do my best and the rest is in His hands. In order to have peace in this world we must turn our fears over to Him. I will pray for you to do this today. I will pray for your peace. I will ask the Lord of heaven to guide you in your steps today and I would appreciate the same. Much love.
Ann
xoxoxo